Naturally Thinking

I shall fade out.
It arrives at my consciousness as a certain matter.
However when I say 'death', the meaning of the word
turns to be vague.
I surely shall die, though I do not take in dying as it is
suggested in general.
I find something different in it.
When a living man talks about death,
he insists on existence too much.
I dislike it.

I watched a tiny clod of cigarette ash, rolling on a floor.
I watched the ash, rolling on the film made and shot by Daisuke Nose.
I like 16mm film titled 'Everyday Life' with scenes of adored ash.
I talk about the film whenever I meet someone.
Facial expressions of people show that they do not understand
what I mean.

"Making 16mm film costs much.  To complete one-minute-long
 shot costs five thousand yen. I have to work five and a half
 hours for making this-long shot, since I get nine hundred and twenty
 yen per hour from my part-time job."
 Narrating, Nose turns on a faucet in his movie to have water 
 run down.
He catches water into a ladle, shooting expanding water fringe.
He repeats shooting.
Gratuitousness is being realized.
I am moved.

Nose shoots a rubber band to a string-shaped dirt on a ceiling.
He spreads out aluminium one-yen coins one by one on the floor.
After he finished covering the floor fully with coins,
light of day and night travels.
He plays with the tiny clod of a cigarette by rolling it on the floor.
On the film, gratuitousness is being accumulated.

Nose talks about 'Everyday Life' modestly.
"My daily life is supported by a key phrase 'for the time being' 
as my turning point, which is almost equivalent to Copernican 
change of sphere."
Yes, we live for the time being.
My emotion is touched deeply.
I borrowed the film from Nose and converted it into video tape.
I watch his video-taped movie again and again.
My act is not comprehended by Nose.

I press a button of a video deck to switch off.
Not as a metaphor but an act.
My fingertip for pressing.
The electric current being shut off.
I think about formation of relationship composed of situational
equipment.
The relationship without directly connected element;
I myself live in.
On the screen, Nose breathes out to roll the ash on the floor
He exhales.
He has accomplished Copernican conversion.
I write down words avoiding metaphor .
Although the words themselves become metaphor.
It is complicated.

I shall fade out someday.
Ah, I want to keep on going lightly.

                  
                                        (Translated by Kay Muramatsu)